What is secure attachment

This bond is not based on love or the quality of the care a parent or caretaker gives a child, but on wordless emotional communication. This theory has evolved from contributions by many researchers, primarily Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby.

As a child matures, this foundation can result in:. According to the Georgia Department of Human Service GDHS , infants who are securely attached have learned they can trust other people to take care of them. They tend to:. It can also restrain mental, emotional, and physical development.

All this can result in learning problems and difficulty in forming relationships as the child matures. According to the GDHS, infants who are insecurely attached do not trust easily, having learned that adults are not reliable.

According to experts at Harvard University , healthy development from birth to age 3 sets the stage for:. Attachment is a result of a dynamic and interactive exchange of nonverbal emotional cues. This process makes your baby feel safe and understood. Your baby picks up on your emotional cues, such as your gestures and your tone of voice.

Your baby is also signaling you with crying and gestures such as mimicking facial expressions, pointing, as well as cooing, and laughing. In one study, researchers found that women with a secure attachment style had more positive feelings about their adult romantic relationships than other women with insecure attachment styles.

How many people classify themselves as securely attached? Children who are ambivalently attached tend to be extremely suspicious of strangers. These children display considerable distress when separated from a parent or caregiver, but do not seem reassured or comforted by the return of the parent.

In some cases, the child might passively reject the parent by refusing comfort, or may openly display direct aggression toward the parent. According to Cassidy and Berlin, ambivalent attachment is relatively uncommon, with only 7 to 15 percent of infants in the United States displaying this attachment style.

As these children grow older, teachers often describe them as clingy and over-dependent. As adults, those with an ambivalent attachment style often feel reluctant about becoming close to others and worry that their partner does not reciprocate their feelings. This leads to frequent breakups, often because the relationship feels cold and distant.

These individuals feel especially distraught after the end of a relationship. Cassidy and Berlin described another pathological pattern where ambivalently attached adults cling to young children as a source of security. Children with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid parents and caregivers. This avoidance often becomes especially pronounced after a period of absence. These children might not reject attention from a parent, but neither do they seek out comfort or contact.

Children with an avoidant attachment show no preference between a parent and a complete stranger. As adults, those with an avoidant attachment tend to have difficulty with intimacy and close relationships. They often avoid intimacy by using excuses such as long work hours or may fantasize about other people during sex.

Research has also shown that adults with an avoidant attachment style are more accepting and likely to engage in casual sex. Other common characteristics include a failure to support partners during stressful times and an inability to share feelings, thoughts, and emotions with partners. Children with a disorganized-insecure attachment style show a lack of clear attachment behavior. Their actions and responses to caregivers are often a mix of behaviors, including avoidance or resistance.

These children are described as displaying dazed behavior, sometimes seeming either confused or apprehensive in the presence of a caregiver. Main and Solomon proposed that inconsistent behavior on the part of parents might be a contributing factor in this style of attachment.

Because the child feels both comforted and frightened by the parent, confusion results. While adult romantic attachments may not exactly correspond with early childhood attachments, there is no question that our earliest relationships with caregivers play a role in development.

By better understanding the role of attachment, you can gain a greater appreciation of how the earliest attachments in your life may impact adult relationships. Ever wonder what your personality type means? Sign up to find out more in our Healthy Mind newsletter. Fuertes J N, R. Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. Dev Psychopathol. Duschinsky R. Hist Psychol.

Kelly A. Front Psychol. Mccarthy G. Attachment style and adult love relationships and friendships: a study of a group of women at risk of experiencing relationship difficulties. Knowing what to expect gives the child a sense of stability and calmness.

You do not want your child to be on edge all the time. Another central risk factor for building an insecure attachment with your child is not being aware of your own emotions and emotional needs.

If you have an insecure attachment style yourself, you are likely to pass it on to the next generation. So, if you suspect you might have attachment issues, it may be a good idea to make sense of those with someone close to you, with a therapist, or through self-help books and online courses.

One final note here: keep calm. Adults with a secure attachment style tend to have it easier when it comes to social contacts, bonding, and intimate relationships. They are aware of their emotions and emotional needs and are able to both experience and express those. They are open and straightforward and do not go to extremes. Securely attached adults have a positive view of themselves.

They do not need reassurance in order to feel valued or worthy of love. Yet, this does not mean they reject or do not want intimacy or emotional closeness. They simply feel good on their own as well as in relationships.

These individuals also have a positive view of others. They are able to accept displays of affection, without fear or confusion. People with a secure attachment style are most commonly warm, loving, and lovable. They aim at and are capable of building and maintaining meaningful and long-lasting romantic relationships.

They are comfortable with proximity and bond easily with others. They are able to reflect on and make sense of their past experiences, even if their childhood was not perfect. They appreciate the good and understand and move on from the bad. If you match the profile described above, you should probably take a moment to be grateful for that. Thank your parents. If you suspect that your attachment style is not entirely secure, you might be wondering whether you can change it and make it secure.

Reading through some articles might give you a better idea of where you stand in the picture. Bear in mind that you do not need to fully match a certain profile. The attachment bond is not founded on the quality of your care or parental love, but on the nonverbal emotional communication you develop with your child. Developing a secure attachment bond between you and your child, and giving your child the best start in life, does not require you to be a perfect parent.

In fact, the study found that the critical aspect of the child—primary caretaker relationship is NOT based on quality of care, educational input, or even the bond of love that develops between parent and infant. Rather, it is based on the quality of the nonverbal communication that takes place between you and your child.

In fact, developing your nonverbal communication skills can help improve and deepen your relationships with other people of any age. As a parent or primary caretaker for your infant, you can follow all the traditional parenting guidelines, provide doting, around-the-clock care for your baby, and yet still not achieve a secure attachment bond.

You can hold, cuddle, and adore your child without creating the kind of attachment that fosters the best development for your child. How is this possible? Importantly, creating a secure attachment bond differs from creating a bond of love.

Children need something more than love and caregiving in order for their brains and nervous systems to develop in the best way possible. Children need to be able to engage in a nonverbal emotional exchange with their primary caretaker in a way that communicates their needs and makes them feel understood, secure, and balanced.

The words bond or bonding are commonly used to describe both caretaking and the emotional exchange that forms the attachment process, even though they are very different ways of connecting with your child. By understanding the developmental milestones related to secure attachment, you can spot symptoms of insecure attachment and take steps to immediately repair them.

Obstacles to creating a secure attachment may first appear when your child is an infant. Since infants cannot calm and soothe themselves, they rely on you to do so for them. Even an older child will look to you, the parent, as a source of safety and connection and, ultimately, secure attachment. The new field of infant mental health, with its emphasis on brain research and the developmental role of parents, provides a clearer understanding of factors that may compromise the secure attachment bond.

If either the primary caretaker or the child has a health problem, nonverbal communication between the two may be affected, which in turn can affect the secure attachment bond. Experience shapes the brain and this is especially true for newborns whose nervous systems are largely undeveloped. Fortunately, as the infant brain is so undeveloped and influenced by experience, a child can overcome any difficulties at birth. It may take a few months, but if the primary caretaker remains calm, focused, understanding, and persistent, a baby will eventually relax enough for the secure attachment process to occur.

Sometimes the circumstances that affect the secure attachment bond are unavoidable, but the child is too young to understand what has happened and why. To a child, it just feels like no one cares and they lose trust in others and the world becomes an unsafe place. If you are overly stressed, depressed, traumatized, or unavailable for whatever reason, you may not have the awareness or sensitivity to provide the positive emotional mirroring your child needs for secure attachment.

Sometimes even a healthy, caring, and responsible caretaker may have trouble understanding and initiating a secure attachment bond with their child. But adults can change for the better, too. Just as you can strengthen yourself with exercise and a healthy diet, you can also learn to manage overwhelming stress and deal with emotions that may interfere with your ability to create a secure attachment bond.

Cell phones , computers, TV, and countless other distractions of daily life can prevent you from giving your full attention to your child. Responding to an urgent email during meal time, texting a friend during play time, or just zoning out in front of the TV with your child are all ways parents miss out on opportunities to make eye contact with their child and engage in the secure attachment process. Because the brain is capable of changing, repair is always possible and may even strengthen the secure attachment bond.