The energy vampires in your life might look a little different. But no matter what they do, they're going to be taxing on your life--if you let them. The best way to deal with energy vampires is to avoid them.
End a relationship if it isn't healthy. Cut ties with an old friend if it's taxing on you. You only have so much room in your life. It's important to fill it with healthy, positive people.
That doesn't mean you should cut out everyone who doesn't provide a ray of sunshine all the time, however. Sometimes people require more support than others--and that doesn't make them energy vampires. Don't ditch a friend who is going through a divorce because she's become a downer.
And don't step away from someone who has depression because he seems negative. Those individuals likely need you now more than ever. True energy vampires burden your resources all the time--not just during tough times in their lives.
There may be times when it doesn't make sense to completely cut ties with an energy vampire. Removing your colleague, mother-in-law, or neighbor from your life might not be a wise option. They just aren't very social, and they treat everyone this way. Reflect on your recent actions. This can be a challenge. People often don't want to admit they did something wrong, or even notice that they've done something to offend someone.
Take some deep breaths and evaluate your recent interactions with them. Was there any tension? Could their feelings have been hurt? Plan for an apology if you realize you've done something wrong. Even if this person didn't behave perfectly either, it is always better to take the high road. Practice different meditating techniques if it is hard for you to reflect.
Invite them to talk privately. Sometimes the best way to get to the root of the issue is to sit down with the other person and clear the air. Send them an email or a letter asking if you can get together to chat in private at a particular time and place. Pick a quiet time to talk, when both of you are free and not distracted. Meeting in private will allow you to work out any problems between you if there are any without the embarrassment of a public confrontation.
If you're especially nervous or think it might not go well, you can ask a 3rd party like a mutual friend, counselor, or authority figure to hep mediate. Be nice. If they see you making an effort, they may speak to you again. Acting rudely towards them will only create a larger, convoluted feud. Explain your feelings. Make "I" statements to say how you feel. Non-judgmentally explain the pattern, and say how it makes you feel. Here are some examples: "Lately, when the three of us hang out, you're mostly talking with Serena while I listen.
I feel left out. I'm glad you have good relationships with them, but sometimes I feel left out. I wish we spent more time together. I miss you, and I want to spend more time with you. I noticed that you haven't been answering my calls and texts for the last 2 weeks. Hear them out. It's possible that they didn't realize that they were making you feel ignored, or that they're dealing with a problem you weren't aware of. Be willing to accept a reasonable explanation. Be willing to collaborate on a solution if it's realistic.
Talk about ways that both of you can adjust so that the relationship improves. Getting things out in the open, and making an agreement, can help both of you figure out how to move forward. Because I would be willing to do that. It does sound like a cool series.
Is that right? Maybe we could set aside two date nights a week for just us, and I'll go out with friends more often too, so that I don't feel lonely as often? If you aren't okay with me being gay, that's your problem, and you don't have to spend time with me anymore.
Know when to let it go. If they are unwilling to talk about it, if it's a bad time, or if it devolves into screaming or accusations, it might be time to walk away. You can revisit the topic during a better time, or re-evaluate whether the relationship is worth maintaining. Would it be better to talk about this later today? But if that's not a priority for you, then we don't have to have this conversation. Maybe we should take a break for now. Method 2. Don't take it personally. Most people come across someone who ignores them at some point in their lives.
Take the power out of their rudeness by not showing that it's affecting you. Recognize and accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. Even the nicest and most popular person in the world is bound to meet people who dislike them from time to time.
Sometimes, the person might be going through something that doesn't have anything to do with you at all. They might just not be ready to talk about it. D Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. Focus on the road, not the wall. It's not always the easiest thing to do, but if you spend time working on your personal goals, this person's opinions and actions towards you won't matter. Ignore them back. If the person doesn't want to associate with you for any number of reasons, then don't associate with them.
By ignoring them, you might cause them to take notice of your actions. This is also a good way of keeping your cool. Even if it is tearing you up inside, this can be an effective solution over time. Give them space and time. Some people simply need space from their friends. It might not seem justified, but a lot of people will ignore you if they feel like it. It can be the most painful and frustrating seat to be in, but just give it time.
Let the person know it's okay if they need some time. Say something like, "I've tried reaching out a few times and I haven't heard back from you. I just want you to know I'm here for you and I hope we can talk whenever you're ready. Don't force change. You can't always change someone's mood to being polite if they want to be rude.
Method 3. Set healthy boundaries with others. Use that look consciously when you know that you might look closed off. I often obsessed over not being included in the group and being left out.
There was this super social popular guy I knew, and one day I decided to analyze him in social settings. To my surprise, he sat silent for long periods of time without being spoken to. When I paid attention to it, people regularly got left out conversations for a long time.
Make a reality-check and pay attention to how others are treated in groups. Do you meet people who are friendly at first but then seem to lose interest after a while? This is a broad subject. This really sucks, and there can be several explanations. For example, if people ignore you online AND in other situations you first of all want to look at the general reasons that I started off this article with. In real life, we can make small talk just to kill awkward silence.
Online, people often expect more of a reason to talk: To plan something, to share something, and so on. To not be ignored online, have a reason for contacting people, like…. With almost all of my friends, I only communicate to 1 discuss something specific, 2 send easy-to-consume memes, 3 link to something we know that the other person really likes or 4 plan for meeting up.
Then, as my life got busier, I started doing the same thing without having any bad feelings about the person. If you send a normal, legitimate question like something I mentioned above, wait for 2 days, then send a reminder. In this article I give more specific advice on how to start a conversation online. And in this article we talk about how to make friends online. When people have around 3 or more close friends, they are often less motivated to socialize because they have their social needs covered.
Most friendships are based on mutual interests. It almost never works to make close friends with people you have nothing in common with. You can then use that interest as a reason for keeping in touch with them. I just took some long-exposure photos in the park yesterday. If you try to make friends with people you have nothing in common with, you have a higher risk of being ignored.
It takes time to make friends, and that can be stressful. I remember panicking when I was new in class: I thought that if people saw me by myself, they would think I was a loser. That made me try to push my way into the social circle which came off as needy. So instead of trying to push yourself onto others, learn to enjoy being by yourself occasionally. If you come off as very nervous or insecure, that can make people less motivated to interact with you.
Because when you feel awkward, they feel awkward, and we humans want to avoid negative feelings. If you have social anxiety or shyness, put all your effort into working on that , first! But when we feel depressed, some additional things happen in our brain that can distort reality.
Ask yourself: How would a happy person think about this situation? Later, I learned that they were depressed and felt lonely. Let your friends know that you appreciate them and like them.
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